So, yesterday as I was watching Dr. Phil a statement was made by Rev. T.D. Jakes. He said “being unforgiving is like drinking poison, and waiting for someone else to die”. I found that to be such a strong statement, and a true statement as well. By holding onto resentment or ill feelings we have about someone or something that has hurt us, we are only hurting ourselves. I personally have found that if you can take a moment to step into the shoes of the person who has wronged you, and find compassion for them and their situation, it is easier to find forgiveness. Life is too short to hold on to these feelings. Believe me the person that has wronged you, has probably already forgiven themselves, or doesn’t even know that they have even hurt you.
My advice? Let it go. Bring the hurt feelings to the surface, feel them, understand them and let it go. I have been told this so many times in my life and I guess I never understood that I could forgive, but that did not mean that I would forget, it’s still there but it is not fueled by ill feelings . For instance, as a young girl, my father tried everything to get me to lose weight. He tried paying me, or offering me a car or telling me that I would not be able to find a man if I didn’t lose the weight. We had diet salesman come to the house when I was like 12 years old. I remember eating a half of a box of my moms chocolate diet aides. LOL Chocolate diet aids?? I carried these feelings of inadequacy around with me my entire life. My weight defined my self worth. If I was a size 16 then I was worthy to go out, and be in the public. If I was a size 26 I should stay inside so as not to subject people to the sight of me.
Now, I have to say, I love my father very much. He also struggled with weight problems, and was diabetic. We also have family members that weigh 400 plus pounds. As an adult I have been able to forgive my dad for the things he did and said because once I stepped inside of him I realized that he only wanted the best for me, and he was worried that I would take on all of his health problems if I continued on the way I was. My dad was driven by fear from the experiences he was subjected to in his life. How could I fault him for loving me and wanting the best for me.
That being said, I am still overweight, however I have a husband that adores me, I am happy, and living a full life I would love to say my weight no longer defines me, but that would be a lie. I am still working on that, however, I have learned to love me. Whether I eat pizza or junk food. I still love me.
As a child I thought my dad was super man. He always seemed to know what I was doing and he always called me out on it. I literally believed he could see through walls. He was big and strong. My dad was a force to be reckoned with.
I am proud to say, “I am just like my dad”.