Anxiety because I wont stay in the NOW

Published July 6, 2012 by Stuff My Brain Thinks

So, in two weeks we are having a family reunion in honor of my mom.  She is going to be eighty in January.  She is the glue that holds this family together.  We have plenty of family members that are a little off (in my opinion).  They have no problem picking and choosing which family members they will disregard this year.  They disowned me about three years ago because I stuck up for their mother (my sister) when they wanted her out of their life for the silliest reasons.  I mean we all make mistakes in our lives.  We all do things we regret.  Things we seek forgiveness for.

I must admit I am having some anxiety about spending a full day in the presence of people who have made a conscious decision to throw me away for simply writing a letter explaining why it is best to forgive and love their mother rather than carry around hate and discontent.  They took in a completely vicious manor and wrote me a letter telling me they hope I have a good life and they will think of me often but as far as family goes, we are no longer that.  I have forgiven them for throwing me away and I have forgiven myself for hurting them.  Which is normally not a problem in my daily life but knowing they will be here is two short weeks makes me feel like I need to find a way out.  Of course there is no way out because not showing up for the party would be way worse than going and feeling uncomfortable for twelve hours.

On that note, I guess I will go finish getting ready for work and leave it in God’s hands.






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