I woke up this morning with such positive thoughts running through my mind. A lot of “I am’s” that will lift me up. I feel amazing. One of the things that Joel and Oprah talked about in this weeks Life Class was that being in peace is being in power. I love the feeling of peace and contentment. It’s truly amazing.
God never promised us that we wouldn’t have trials in our life. Each one of these trials is like an ingredient needed for the next chapter in our lives. Just knowing that everything that happens in my life will be used later to life me higher than I was before makes it much easier to handle.
Perception is so important. If I perceive things to be catastrophic they will indeed be catastrophic. If I perceive things as a life lesson. A lesson that will push me forward in life it makes these trials and tribulations a lot easier to take.
I am sitting here watching Sunday’s Life Class with Oprah and Pastor Joel Osteen. I have to give thanks for my DVR to make this late viewing possible . I always enjoy Oprah’s Life Class. Today’s class is “Your Life is How You See It” 🙂
If you see yourself as tired, you will be tired. If you see yourself as fat, you will be fat. If you see yourself as poor, you will be poor. Whatever you say after “I am” will follow you. I used to have terrible “I am’s”. They pushed me down. Caused me to have debilitating bouts of depression. I have been so low I couldn’t see the light.
I know that since I have changed the way I think my life has changed greatly in a short amount of time. It’s been about a year since I was in a deep dark depression. It wasn’t until I had a dream about my God father, Michael who committed suicide several years ago. I woke up with a message. The message was my family needs me. If I kept on the way I was they would pay the price. It was at that moment that everything changed. I found a picture of Michael holding me as a baby, framed it. It now and forever will hang in my living room. I don’t remember Michael but he is with me every day. He is true God father. He is an angel in my life, and for that I am truly thankful.
Since I learned to live in the “now”. I take every disappointments in my life as a lesson that will be used to push me forward in life. Once I adopted this premise it seemed to take the heaviness off my problems. I believe they are a tool for the next chapter in my life. Which creates a peace that allows me to flow through them with grace.
Have a Blessed Day
On Friday we found out that my mom has to go on Tuesday to have a routine procedure done on her leg. Roger and I are going to take her. I can honestly say that I do not feel that this is at all threatening. However, I do believe that prayers are needed. God needs to know how important she is to so many people. She does so much for everyone and is willing to help if she can. There have been many times in my life that she went above and beyond what a parent is expected to do for her children. She is a blessing.
I figured I would take a moment to thank God for keeping my mother safe.
I had this really vivid dream that I was working and I lost the bill of lading for a large order of Labatt. I felt pressured and cornered so I quit. I went back to the nursing home of which I worked at when I was younger, and got the job.
My mother bought me a set of nursing scrubs. The bottoms were attached to this big wood cranking machine. I was then led to some dressing rooms where I was to change into my uniform. I went inside and shut the door. Just then the maid was using her key to come in. A larger Native American woman jumped up and stopped the lady from coming in. She scolded the maid. I remember her saying “What is wrong with you?” She was really letting this lady have it for trying to come in on me.
I was listening from in the room while I was setting the machine up that my pants were attached to. I, then stepped onto the platform into my pants. I had to use a crank to pull them up. I remember thinking “why do I have to do this, am I really that fat?” I cranked the pants up and to my surprise, they were way to big.
I pulled the front flaps of my pants closed. Put on my shirt, and left the dressing room. As I did the woman who stopped the maid from entering the room rushed up to me. She was telling me how sorry she was that the maid did that. She put her arm around me and I got the feeling that this woman really cared about me. The next thing I know I am walking the halls of the nursing home. It was dark and I could hear people talking about me. Saying “I can’t believe she’s back, she wont make it”
I woke up thinking I loved working there but I hated the atmosphere. I love my residences but the some of the staff was much to be desired. It was like I was trying to talk myself out of going back there. Now, mind you, I love my job. I am not thinking about quitting at all.
This was such a detailed, vivid dream. I couldn’t get it out of my head so I decided to blog it out (my therapy 🙂 ) If anyone has insight into dreams I would love to hear your opinions of its meaning.
This morning I woke up wondering how people who seem so happy and in love can lose it. A lot of my friends are having marital problems. I guess it’s only natural to look at your own marriage. I have to say Roger and I have been through the mill, but we always worked through it. Now that we are older and have been together almost 22 years, I am so glad we didn’t just throw it all away in times of trouble. He is my best friend. I couldn’t imagine if Roger woke up one day and said “it’s over”. I would be heart-broken.
It’s my first instinct to tell people to work through it if possible, obviously abuse is unforgivable and should never be tolerated, other than that, if there is an ounce of love there, try your damdest to forgive and learn to trust again. After all, people make mistakes. We are all weak at times.
I am sending prayers out to all of the people who hurting in their relationship. I pray they know the content feeling of never being alone in the world. That they find someone who will treat them with the dignity and respect they deserve. That they will no the feeling of truly being loved.
I’m sitting here watching Roseanne and it takes me back. Back to a time when I lived with my sister in Virginia Beach. Those were the times. I had not a care in the world. I was in my early 20’s and I was all about the party. I remember working for the weekend (literally) .
My sister and I would turn on the music and get a drink. We’d listen to music while we were getting ready to go out. We had so much fun. We’d do our hair and make up while having a drink, laughing and preparing for the night. I miss those days. Nothing matter but going out and enjoying life. Shoot, I remember Christmas time, when we had no money. We made due, that’s for sure.
We went out partying being careless (thank God we survived). We couldn’t afford a Christmas tree that year, so one night we decided we would go out and get us a tree. It was a mission to say the least. My sister and I were on one of many adventures when we discovered a whole line of Christmas tree’s on the side of the road. We thought we hit the mother lode.
We pulled the car over and proceeded to dig one of these trees up. I dug and dug, while my sister pretended, to find a hug ball on the bottom of the tree with a sack around it. I thought it was odd but proceeded to use all of my strength to get it out of the ground and into the car. We drove home with this huge tree with a big ball on the bottom between my legs, and we had to go through the toll booth. I remember being so proud of this damn tree. We got home and dragged into the house. Changed into our jammies and went to bed.
When we got up in the morning, we discovered that our Christmas tree was not a tree at all but more like a bush. LOL We shrugged it off and thought hey a tree is a tree. That afternoon a friend came over. The minute he walked through the door he stopped and looked at our tree like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. We were like “you like our Christmas tree” He looked dumb founded and said “that aint not tree that’s a state highway bush. You could get in some serious trouble for having that in your house.” We freaked, undecorated that tree and hid it in the dumpster. LOL… I dug my ass off and had mud up to my waist. All for a state highway bush. I don’t remember if we ever got a tree that Christmas but I do remember how much fun it was to make it a memorable one.
The other day while I was doing dishes I was thinking how many times I have tried to eat healthy and failed. I was thinking I really need to work on that, but the little voice said “why bother you know you’ll just fail”. Then out of nowhere a louder voice came and said “Failure comes only from not trying”. I don’t know where this louder, wiser voice came from but I was surprised to hear it. I am hoping the wise part of me sticks around. 🙂 I really need her.
Anyway, since that day I have begun to eat clean again. I am doing it mostly for the energy it gives me. Now that I have this new house I have so many things I want to get done. Things I will need energy to do. Such as paint my kitchen. I have my colors picked out and a plan set. Now all I have to do is muster up the energy to get it done.
Well, I am off to get ready for work. It’s my half day and my loves is off today too. How lucky am I? I am going to make sure it’s a productive weekend since last weekend I spent sick in the bed.
~Have a blessed day~
Well, it’s Monday. I spent my entire weekend sick. I went from the bed to the couch to the bathroom. I am still sick with basically all of the symptoms on the NyQuil bottle. Sniffling, sneezing, coughing, well you get the gist. I am actually happy it’s Monday. I will be forced to sit upright and do something other than sleep. I guess I’ll just have to see how it goes. All I know is, no one knows how to do my job so I guess I’ll be at work. OR with the help of technology I could actually tag into my work computer from the comfort of my living room. Ehhh, with a little DayQuil I will probably be just fine.
I know I need to break the craving for carbs and sugar again. It’s an ongoing thing with me. I do well for a while. Over eat the carbs and the cravings come back. I know that if I do this I would feel so much better. My mind would be clearer and I would be happier. It’s just that it takes a full 17 days to get there. Seventeen days don’t seem like a lot but I have only been successful like 3 times. The first time it last for three months and it was one of the most amazing, happiest time of my life.
There are so many great pay off’s to doing a healthy food cleanse. I really need to get on that.
Hey hey it’s Friday. This week seemed to fly by. Roger and I are planning on going out with a couple of friends tonight. I guess he promised some guys that we would come down and check out their band. I’m looking forward to getting out for a couple of hours.
This weekend I am going to prep my kitchen for painting. I’ve decided to go with a pale yellow. I just love that we can do what we want here because we own it. It’s little but it’s mine.
This is out living room the day we moved in.
The day we moved in my cat had a little problem. She thought we were trying to get rid of her since this has happened to her once before. I can only imagine it brought back bad memories. She cried and aimlessly walked down the street. We had to go after her. However, once we brought the furniture in the house she came in and decompressed on my dream catcher. She is my little angel. 🙂
Well I guess I am off to get ready for work. I hope everyone has a blessed weekend.
I cannot even believe how good life is right now. I’m happy and content. Everyone is working and making their own money. Our housing expense has been cut in half since buying this house. Work is going well. We are almost to the end of the price increase.
I want to take a minute to thank God for loving me and my family. For breathing his blessings into our life. I want to thank him for lining up the right people to push us forward.