We all have people in our lives that are stuck inside their own head. Those people who walk around with a “poor me” attitude. Heck I used to be one of those people. At the time I was unaware that I was the reason my life was in shambles. That it was my mode of thinking that was keeping me down. In my mind no one understood how bad my life was. They just didn’t get it. How could it be my fault that my car broke down, or that I didn’t have the money to fix it. How could it be my fault that I was always short on cash when it came time to pay the bills. There are always going to be reasons to feel down, but if we allow ourselves to live in that place, a place of despair, then despair will follow us where ever we go.
I had no idea that the messages that were playing in my mind were manifesting all of my troubles. First of all, I didn’t always hear what I was telling myself and second if I believe, and I do, that we manifest what we want for our lives by what we think, dream, and imagine then I was getting exactly what I was asking for. I was wound so tightly in my thoughts of car and money problems that it became my reality. I remember the day I noticed the messages I was playing over and over in my head. The first one that became loud and clear to me was the horrible name I was calling myself. I wouldn’t allow a stranger to treat me this way, so why was it ok for me to do it to myself? Why was it ok to call myself fat and worthless? To answer that question quite frankly, it wasn’t. Although I was taken aback by what I had heard it helped to recognize all of the other messages that were coming day in and day out.
You can’t change it unless you acknowledge it. Once it became clear what I was doing to myself I began to refute that negative self talk. I called it out. Really thought about it. Once I started doing that these thoughts became less and less. One by one they began to disappear. I started by adding in a few positive mantras to replace the negative ones and over time my negative self talk hit the road. Rarely do I find myself speaking negatively over my life. It is my understanding that what I think, feel and speak over my life will take root and become my reality, therefore I intend on only rooting the best of the best thoughts I can come up with.
At the beginning I didn’t even believe half of what I was telling myself. I would get up every day and tell myself “you are a beautiful strong woman, you are prosperous, happy, and blessed”. Did I believe those words at first? No, I felt like I was lying to myself but never the less I continued to do it, every single day. At the beginning I would write it down, put it in my pocket so I would remember throughout the day that this was the new me. When I would go to the bathroom at work I would pull out the tiny piece of paper read it, really feel it. It wasn’t long before what I was saying seemed true to me, and the quality of my life began to improve rather rapidly as well.
If you are unkind to yourself as I was, I ask that you listen to your inner dialogue so that you are aware of what you are saying about your life. Hear it, call those thoughts out, and replace them with new positive thoughts. Even if you don’t believe them at first. In time you will, and you will see how different your life becomes. I used to be the type of person that walked around with a hard look. With the “me against the world” attitude. The kind of person people didn’t want to talk to most of the time. The kind of person people would walk past without a second thought. Now, when I am out people smile at me, make eye contact, wave, and say hello even if I don’t know them. That right there moves me to tears because at the lowest point in my life I felt really unimportant to most people. I felt invisible a lot of times and wondered why people didn’t want to hear me. In my mind people were cruel and uncaring and because of that, that is the way they treated me. It was all in my head. I was doing it to myself. No one else was to blame. It was all me.
I am so grateful that I was able to find my way out of the darkness and into the light. I now know that I am a kind, caring person. I am driven to fulfill the purpose God has for me. I am ready for His plan whatever that may be. I am blessed at the young age of forty-five to come into myself. All of my life I was told life begins at forty and for me no truer words were ever spoken. It is my hope that I am able to help even one person come into their own authentic self at any age. Everyday we are blessed with the breath of life. Make a vow to treat yourself with compassion, be forgiving and truly love yourself from the depths of your core. I can think of no other person I would rather be, than me.