Throughout my life I didn’t love myself very much. Heck, I don’t think I even liked me very much. I remember as a young girl around eleven or twelve feeling like a martian with hair. The reason for the hair, funny enough, is because that was the only thing I liked about me. I never thought it possible to find true love and compassion for myself. I know that a lot of young girls suffer with self-love. If I could share only one thing that would be to look deep within yourself embrace your flaws and weaknesses. These differences are what make you unique. God has made us all one hundred percent unique from each other and we should learn to appreciate that.
As an adult I have become aware of the truth. I do not deserve to be treated that way. I had taken the disdain I felt for myself at a young age, and used it to program my mind with mean and hateful commentary. I spent the next thirty plus years playing those thoughts over and over again in my mind. How could I treat myself so poorly? I would never allow a stranger to treat me this way and here I was doing it to myself. Thankfully, over the past year I learned to recognize those negative thoughts and call them out. Realizing that most of what I was telling myself was a lie. I am worthy, I am valuable, I am beautiful, loving, and kind. I have so many great attributes. As do we all.
I had read that loving and accepting ones self is the only way to become healthy and whole. I used to think it would be counter productive to love myself. I thought “how can I change if I except myself as I am”? I get it now. Since finding love and compassion for myself I have lost weight, and it has been the easiest thing I have ever done. I am not perfect by any means. I still eat unhealthy foods on occasion. The difference is I don’t feel guilty. Nor do I beat myself up for it. I recognize what I am doing as completely human. When trying to get fit and healthy we will eat unhealthy, and we will miss a workout. These things are inevitable. We cannot be so rigid that if we make a tiny mistake it’s over. That used to be me. I was an all or nothing kind of gal. If I made a tiny mistake that meant that it was over. I may as well eat until I am sick. That all or nothing attitude got me, yup you guessed it, it got me “nothing”. We are human beings. Nothing can be perfect one hundred percent of the time. I suppose that is part of the acceptance.
Now, learning to love me didn’t happen over night. It took some time to reprogram my mind. I simply began to listen to my intuition. I mean really listen. I learned to recognize that feelings that brought about fear and anxiety were not true feelings. They were typically linked to a past experience. So those thoughts, I learned, had less informational value. It is the thoughts that come from love and pure comfort that should be followed. I ended up doing things that I never thought I could do before. I was able to quit smoking, drinking, and eating crappy food. I stopped losing my temper. All of this in a very short amount of time and with little to no effort. Still to this day, I continue to live in peace. My mind is no longer my enemy. It nourishes me with uplifting, inspiring thoughts all day every day. It is, finally, as it should be.