This is me at 275 pounds. I can’t tell you how many times I have lost weight only to return to this God awful weight and size. However, this time has been different. I have come to realize that every other time I have lost weight my motivation to do so would peter out at around three months. I can see now that the reason for this was that I was forcing the situation. I was trying so hard to resist all of the foods and drinks I thought I loved. Trying to force myself to resist these foods was only making me want them more. This time is different because I wasn’t trying to look good or fit in. This time I was looking to improve my quality of life. All I ever wanted was balance. I wanted to be able to enjoy the things other people were enjoying. Which meant I need to have the energy to move my body, and I needed to find peace within myself to allow myself to feel joy.
I have always known how to cook healthy, however a lot of times I found myself stuck in food addictions that drove me to processed foods and sugars. The compulsion to eat these things was so overwhelming I would eventually and inevitably give in. This would lead to weeks and sometimes months of eating that garbage. I felt like I was on a down word spiral. I acted as if everything was alright but on the inside I was dying. If I could go back I would hug the old me and tell her “everything will be ok”. I was so nasty to her. I am ashamed at how I talked to her. Thankfully I don’t do that anymore. I love me. I take the time to tell myself every single day. I appreciate my goodness and my need to be a blessing to others. Life is so good for me now. I feel the need to share it. I guess that’s why I blog. In the hopes that even one person will be able to find peace with whatever it is that they are going through. Whether it be food, drugs, cigarettes or a bad relationship. We all have things we are being tested on daily. If we would only come together and realize we are all connected, then maybe more people would be willing to put themselves out there for the good of someone else.
So, anyway, I knew what I had to do to get the ball rolling. I knew that a couple of weeks without processed foods and sugar would kill the cravings for them. Once I had that taken care of I was able to go on and focus on creating a happy healthy life for myself. One in which has taken me on a journey of self discovery that has been wonderful. I love it. I use several different techniques to keep myself in a vibration of peace. It was not really that difficult since it was all in my head. through mediation I have found that I can hear and shape my thoughts. One of the first lessons I found very eye-opening was that a lot of what I was telling myself was a lie. Ridiculous lies to try to keep me down. Which I now understand to be the work of my ego. I recognize her now. She keeps quiet for the most part, but on occasion she will throw a thought out there that just doesn’t fit with my way of life so I simply disregard it. I know I can do anything, therefore those self-defeating thoughts are not welcome in my mind.
Since January 2nd I have dropped a few sizes , and I cannot express how effortlessly it has happened. I was just going about my life feeding my mind and body nutritiously and everything else simply fell into place. I know I say it is not about weight and it isn’t really. I still get excited when I get into a smaller size. Today I am wearing an outfit that I used to be able to wear a few years ago. I have been holding onto it in the hopes that one day I would wear it again. Today is the day, and I feel free. I am free from food addictions. Finally!!! Year after year I tried and failed, but I knew that if I never gave up I would one day be victorious.