Since I began writing this book I have lost focus of what my life is all about. For the past ten months I have been living each day in the present moment, making my daily life about balance, peace and joy. My whole existence has been about improving my quality of life. The weight-loss is simply a pleasant side effect. Though I am not in the habit of weighing myself I did so recently at the doctor’s office so I would have a concrete basis for the premise of my book. I have to admit, though, that stepping on the scale has always created an obsessive pattern for me and in doing so it seems to have awakened the beast within, so to speak.
Although I am very happy with my results, something inside of me is demanding more. I cannot have this. I know from my past relationship with dieting and weight-loss programs that having this mind-set will only lead to failure. Making long-term goals has never worked for me in the past, therefore I am not about to back slide into that way of thinking now. This has never been, and never will be, about weight-loss.
Today is a reality check for myself. I have allowed this to go on for far to long and have encountered a lot more resistance to what is, rather than maintaining the acceptance that has lead me to where I am now. I am taking this time to remind myself that I am not trying to lose weight. I am not trying to do anything. I am simply living in the NOW, enjoying each and every day for what it is. I am conducting myself in such a way as to cultivate that tiny seed inside myself that contains joy, peace and contentment. Today is the day I get back to basics, and forget that I have lost weight. Today is the day I remember all that I have gained over the past several months, which is a deep love and understanding for myself.
I have to take the time to thank God for allowing me to see when I am losing my footing so that I can readjust and become strong again. I am also thankful for my writing because, it is through it, that I have been able to find myself, love myself, and heal myself.