I’m back from Curves and I feel better than ever. I really like Curves, not only for the working out but for the feeling of belonging to something. A group. It’s nice to have people with like minds that get together for the betterment of themselves, as I do. I feel really good today. I put on my jeans and they were clean and fully dried and I got them on without feeling as though I were going to pull my arms out of the sockets to get them buttoned and zipped.
I know it’s not about weight but it is important that I am going in the right direction and since I don’t weigh myself, my clothes are the only gauge I’ve got. Well, that and the fact that I feel amazing. I have loads of energy, and my house and life is very well-organized. I am also able to easily focus on things, and I feel productive and accomplished on a daily basis.
Let me take a second to remind myself where I came from. It never hurts to take the time to remember where we all came from. You see that smile on the face of the girl in the middle? You see how forced it looks? That is because she was dying inside. She felt as though life had dealt her a bad hand, and that she had to live with. She was miserable. she created her own suffering. Smiling on the outside while torturing herself on the inside.
I remember beating myself up constantly for being the way that I was. I was a fake back then. I remember telling people that I was happy with myself. That I didn’t need to lose weight or be thin to be happy. I was not only lying to them, but I was lying to myself. My feet hurt and burned on the inside from the pressure. I smoked, drank and ate everything under the sun. I pretty much treated myself like a garbage can. I mean, why not, since the thoughts I was feeding myself were garbage. I literally manifested that body through my mind. I was getting exactly what I was asking for.
My favorite thing to call myself was a stupid fat-ass. It makes me want to cry knowing the way I treated me. I love me. How could I do that to myself? I am a precious gift from God. I deserve so much better. It took me years to figure this out. It wasn’t until I hit my lowest point that I was able to come out on the other side a new person. A person that would not stand for that berating talk any longer. I began introducing loving thoughts into my mind. I slowly got rid of all the other garbage I was telling myself and replaced it with kind, caring words of love and compassion.
Once that happen I started acting on the outside the way I was on the inside. It then became very important to me that I treat myself with dignity and respect. That I begin to love and honor the only body that I was given. The vehicle that God had loaned me to get from birth to death. I began to understand that he had blessed with this body for a reason and I was going to learn how to take care of it so it could take care of me.
The hardest part of my journey was changing my mind. The rest just seemed to follow on its own. Now, I love me. I love me so much that being good to me is important. Taking care of Michele is a priority now. I no longer drink, smoke or eat garbage. I am so grateful to God for all of the life lessons. Without them and the awakening that came through them I don’t know where I would be today. He has given me my life back. The very life I had begged him to take so many times before.
Life is full of teachable moments, and I am excited to continue to learn from them each and every day I am alive. It all makes sense to me now. I love my life. I honor my body by feeding it with nutritious foods and giving it the exercise it needs to thrive. See the smile on that face? That’s real and genuine. It’s not forced. It’s me!!