Thank goodness for Self-awareness month. I have learned a lot about myself these past couple of weeks. I have learned that my ego was invading my thoughts once again and that my meditation practice had become so lacks that I was unable to get into the gap at all. These two little aspects of life were cause me great struggle. I had again become consumed with food because I had loss my spiritual fulfillment. It seems that the less connected with spirit I become the more preoccupied I become with outside stimuli, such as food.
Heck I even found myself thinking about drinking and smoking again. I felt bored with my life and remembered all of the times I would go out and socialize over drinks and smokes. Oh my gosh!! Can you believe that? This came as an extreme eye opener to me. Boredom comes when I am thinking about the past or longing for something different in the future. Boredom comes from living outside of the NOW!!
I knew that once I was able to meditate fully that I would see the difference. I also knew that it would only take one time. It’s like taking an anti-anxiety pill for me. One short thirty minute session brought such a calm over me, that lasted the entire day. I was not consumed by thoughts of food any longer. I found that I only thought of food when my stomach gave me the signal to eat.
This has been the best month ever. I have gotten my grove back and along with it learned a few new lessons along the way. A few cues to be aware of the next time I find myself struggle to find fulfillment outside of myself. A question or two to ask myself. Are you meditating enough? Are you following your thoughts during meditation or are you using a mantra to allow them to float by? Are you over thinking about yesterday or tomorrow? Are you being conscious of the now? These few simple questions will allow me to come back to what is important, my connection to spirit and my spiritual wholeness.
I am aware that the outside stresses of the world will inevitably weasel their way into my life, so it is my responsibility to keep a better check on myself.
I think I will make it easy and use my trusty iPhone 5s to remind me at the start of every month to ask myself those questions. I have to take care of me from the inside out because my family, friends, and co-workers depend on me to be the best I can be, and they deserve to have the very best of me. ☺