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All posts for the month November, 2014

One Week Post-Op Gastric Bypass

Published November 26, 2014 by Stuff My Brain Thinks

Well, I am one week out and I made a terrible mistake this morning.  I weighed myself.  I have lost four tenths of a pound.  I must say I am a little more than devastated.  I know that eventually I am going to lose weight because how can I not on 600 calories.

I am doing everything I am suppose to do.  I am getting in my water, getting in my protein, and getting in an hour of mild cardio each day.  How can this not work?  Logically I know it has to work but there is that little voice inside of me that wants to cry and throw a fit.  I mean, hell, I haven’t eaten in eighteen days and I have lost less than a half of a pound.

The me that is devastated completely regrets my decision to do this to myself and the logical me knows I made the right decision.

I can say one thing for certain, I will no longer weigh myself.  Scales are gone!!

♥Michele

What Does Co-Creating Mean to You

Published November 24, 2014 by Stuff My Brain Thinks

I am in the midst of working through the work book section of The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav, This weeks assignment is creating a specific intention for the day and journal writing what I see.  My daily intention;

I intend on finding meaning for me personally in my every day experiences.  I intend on seeing what I did not see before, and I intend on recognizing my insights as valuable experiences in my extra sensory perception.

This brings me to the phrase “co-creating”.  I have seen this phrase many times over the past couple of days so I thought I would ask myself, what does co-creating mean to me?

Co-creating to me goes along with the saying “God helps those who help themselves”.  Meaning, I am able to create intentions and desires for my life and with God, I will realize them without struggle.  It means that as long as I am clear about what I want for my life, detach from the outcome and allow myself to flow freely with what is, my desires will be realized, not only in an effortless way but an exciting one.

I have come to understand long ago that I do not have all the answers.  That my way is not the best way.  Over the past several years it has become apparent that the less I try to make something happen the easier they do happen.  I know this may sound confusing to some, but it makes perfect sense to me.  I cannot tell you the many times in my life I created a plan of action to get a specific result only to have the plan fall apart and the whole thing implode before my eyes.

Over and over again I would create a clear-cut plan that would get me what I wanted only to fail miserably.  It wasn’t until I learned to be clear about what I want and stay open as to how I would receive it.  I came to realize that it was OK to have intentions and desires without a clue as to how they would come to fruition.

For example there was a point, not to long ago, that I hated my job.  My supervisor was insensitive and mean.  She used me as a dumping ground for her miserableness.  I tried so hard to find another job.  I applied to hundreds of positions, went on several interviews and got nothing.  I am a great employee so when it seemed no one wanted me it was not only frustrating but devastating.  I give 100% of myself to my employer.  I take on any job as if I owned it myself and make sure it shows in my work, but for some reason I just couldn’t get away.

Finally I conceded to it.  I surrendered.  I simply told God I would let him have this one.  I would not apply to another job.  My supervisor was leaving for surgery therefore I would relax and let God and the universe step up to find me the position of my dreams after she returned to work.  The next several weeks were amazing.  They were peaceful and I enjoyed every minute of it.  I was really beginning to enjoy my job.

As the day approached that she would be returning to work, I thought nothing of it.  I simply continued to do my job and keep quiet.  I remember it like it were yesterday.  She came back to work that Monday and was still as unhappy as she had always been.  Still, I did my job and kept quiet.  I noticed that she was beginning to get even more agitated as the day progressed.

All of a sudden she stood up from her desk and exclaimed that she just couldn’t do this anymore and stormed into the bosses office.  A few minutes later she re-entered our office and told me she put in her two weeks notice.  I was shocked but still, I said nothing.  Long story short, I am now the office manager in the same office and love my job more that anything.  My dream position was handed to me on a silver platter and I did nothing to make it happen.  I simply surrendered to what was and continued to do my best.

That is what co-creating means to me.  This is only one example of co-creating in my life.  I have many, many examples of co-creating that have occurred in my life since this one and looking back I can see how it was happening in my past as well.  It’s the most amazing gift.  Once I became conscious enough to realize it I was able to harness it and meet my intentions and desires with much more ease.

Life is an amazingly, magical ride.  Give it a shot you will not be disappointed.

With love and Light

♥Michele

 

Home From Surgery

Published November 21, 2014 by Stuff My Brain Thinks

Well, I am home from gastric bypass surgery.  I’m feeling pretty good.  I can’t believe I actually went through with it.  Aside from the gas pain it wasn’t bad at all.  I’m so thankful to have had my mom and my husband there with me.  I am truly blessed.  Here are a couple of pictures of my adventure.

Today is the Day ♥

Published November 19, 2014 by Stuff My Brain Thinks

Today is the day….  Surgery is scheduled for 10:15 this morning.  It’s now 4 am and I can’t sleep.  I was hoping to sleep until at least 6 this morning, so I wouldn’t have so long to wait.  Oh well, I guess it is what it is.  I’m watching a little television, then I am going to take my anti-bacterial shower, meditate and probably watch a little more TV to pass the time.

ResizedImage141210-Hill-MugAs far as nervousness goes, I am feeling pretty good.  I have all the confidence in the world in my surgeon and his staff.  I only ask that anyone and everyone send out blessings his way today.  I am having my procedure at the Adirondack Medical Center in Saranac Lake, NY.  My surgeon’s name is Dr. Michael Hill.

Well I guess I should go get ready!

♥Michele

RNY Surgery Tomorrow

Published November 18, 2014 by Stuff My Brain Thinks

One day left before I head to Saranac for my surgery.  I am feeling pretty good about it.  I believe my emotional behavior this past week was due to sugar and carb withdrawal because it’s all gone.  I am back to my peaceful self once again.  I can’t wait to update everyone on how it went.  I am going to be sure to walk walk walk and sip sip sip.  My only job the next few days is to listen to the nurses and do as they ask.

When I return home my job is to get in all of my fluids and work my way up to the proper amount of protein while I continue to walk walk walk.  Onward and upward, my friends.

Be blessed

♥Michele

 

Pro-op Appointment complete, God Help Me

Published November 14, 2014 by Stuff My Brain Thinks

Yesterday was my pre-op appointment.  It all seems so real now. I feel a little emotional.  I have to ask myself if I am ready?  Am I strong enough?  I know that I am usually pretty successful in most things that I do, but I haven’t had surgery in almost thirty years and I’m scared.  At the same time it feels really right.  I don’t know if that makes any sense or not, but I have to admit I am not making much sense to myself at this point.

Intellectually I know that I am ready.  I have been living mostly healthy for almost two years now.  I have been exercising and making better decisions where my health is concerned.  I know I deserve to know what it feels like to finally live in a body that is a healthy weight for me but this is kind of drastic.  I believe I couldn’t be in better hands than with the folks at the Adirondack Medical Center, and I also am very lucky to have the support of an amazing family.

I have four days left not counting today.  God is with me.  I know I will be just fine but the tears keep coming. Why do I cry?  I am not really sure.  Am I losing my mind?  Is this normal?  Am I going to be a basket case until they wheel me away? I believe that if we ask we shall receive, therefore, I ask you, God, help me find peace with this.

Liquid Diet is Underway

Published November 10, 2014 by Stuff My Brain Thinks
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This is my before

I’m on day three of my liquid diet and ten days until surgery.  I have to say I am not hating this at all.  It’s actually pretty freeing.  I watched a video on YouTube yesterday that put it all into perspective.  This woman who had gastric bypass surgery explained that the who process is much like starting life over, like being a baby again, progressing from liquids to soft foods and finally to whole foods.  This was a aha moment for me.  This woman was a few years out and explained that she still had times of sadness that made sticking to her plan nearly impossible for her.  She explained that after gaining back thirty or so pounds she simply returned to the start of the process.  She returned to infancy once again and found her way.

I am actually pretty excited to see what eleven days without food does to me.  What emotions it will stir up.  I am keeping a hand written journal of self-awareness so I can learn more about me.  So far I have to say I am feeling pretty amazing.  I thought I would be tired, lazy and unproductive but quite the opposite occurred.  My house hasn’t been this clean in months.  I stayed busy and made the best of it.

My essentials

At no time did I allow my thoughts to venture into the area of poor me and resistance.  Every thought I have had been, and will have is about excitement for the process.  The excitement of learning more about me.  Today, I go back to work.  Normally if I were to have a stressful day I would come home and eat unnecessarily to try to comfort myself.  It shall be interesting to see how I handle this in the coming days.

My plan is to take this opportunity to learn better coping mechanisms for stress, to take this process and learn as much as I can about Michele, so that I never find myself back at this point again.  This will be one of the most important processes in spiritual growth for me.  The more conscious I am through this process, the more I will learn and change.  I am not only ready but eager to begin the next chapter in the book of Michele.

As always, be blessed and a blessing.

♥Michele

 

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