Yesterday was my pre-op appointment. It all seems so real now. I feel a little emotional. I have to ask myself if I am ready? Am I strong enough? I know that I am usually pretty successful in most things that I do, but I haven’t had surgery in almost thirty years and I’m scared. At the same time it feels really right. I don’t know if that makes any sense or not, but I have to admit I am not making much sense to myself at this point.
Intellectually I know that I am ready. I have been living mostly healthy for almost two years now. I have been exercising and making better decisions where my health is concerned. I know I deserve to know what it feels like to finally live in a body that is a healthy weight for me but this is kind of drastic. I believe I couldn’t be in better hands than with the folks at the Adirondack Medical Center, and I also am very lucky to have the support of an amazing family.
I have four days left not counting today. God is with me. I know I will be just fine but the tears keep coming. Why do I cry? I am not really sure. Am I losing my mind? Is this normal? Am I going to be a basket case until they wheel me away? I believe that if we ask we shall receive, therefore, I ask you, God, help me find peace with this.