Last night the sweetest husband in the world got a gig for Friday night for a couple of hours. For those of you who don’t know what Roger does, he is a drummer. He has retired so many times over the years, and yet again he is coming out of retirement to play to do this gig.
I was first attracted to Roger because of his talent. I just love artists of all kinds. I am drawn to their creativity, however, I am simply not into the bar scene anymore. I dread this gig because I know he wants me to go. In an earlier post I exclaimed how I only do what I want to do these days, but I guess that is not entirely true. There are times I still do things I don’t want to do to make the people I love happy.
This is different from being the people pleaser I used to be. I spent so many years of my life not really knowing who I was. I always went along with whatever everyone wanted. I didn’t even think for myself. I carried the thoughts and beliefs of the people I most wanted to fit in with.
I remember shortly after I began my meditation practice when I became more in touch with who I truly am. I was shocked to find out who I was, or lack there of. I realized that I literally had no identity. I had no idea even what I liked or didn’t like, My identity was a little bit of this, from one person and a little bit of that, from another. It took several years of writing to finally figure out who I am, and guess what? I am a pretty terrific person. Shocker…… I actually love me.
It turns out, I am a little kooky, but I’m fun. I have some way out beliefs that most of my friends and family don’t get and that’s OK. I don’t have to be like everyone else to fit in. I have found that people like me in spite of my wackiness. If I am to be completely honest, I am not one of those people who even wants to sit in the shadows. I want to be out front, standing up for myself and for what I believe.
That been said, let’s all stand out today. Let’s show the world that we are not part of the cookie cutter mold that some believe they need to be.
We are one of a kind, baby. Let’s start acting like it.
Well, it’s Friday! I have not much to report. My plan today is to go to work and do what I do best. I’m praying for a nice day and weekend. Nice enough to possibly get outside and enjoy some nature. It’s been slow going so far. We have been struggling to make it to 50 degrees, however today does look like it may make it to 59! Woot Woot!
Last night I had a dream that I cheated on Roger. I have never cheated in my life. I mean, it has crossed my mind, because I have been cheated on and I guess I had wondered what the big deal was. Was it the excitement of cheating that made it so alluring? I must say though, in this dream, which played out like a well written movie, I cheated and then had to figure out how to hide the lie. It was all very stressful. I lied and lied and lied and it seemed never-ending. I couldn’t stop until at the very end, through exhaustion, I really only wanted to come clean. I wanted nothing more than to be free of the never-ending lies and deceitfulness.
Anyway, I walk away with this; I will never cheat. Simply through the insight of my dream, I know that this is not something that would work well for my psyche. In know way would that ever be worth it. I have watched people cheat and often wondered why? I guess it is different for everyone. People make their choices based on their life circumstance, therefore I do not judge. I can only say that I am glad I have never done it and equally glad that my subconscious mind allowed me to experience it without actually experiencing it.
I am amazed at how good I feel. It’s day four without sugar. My new strategy is working nicely. Yesterday I was around all kinds of sweets and I didn’t seem affected by it. I am pretty excited to mention that doing my affirmations just before falling asleep seems to be working. It seems to reinforce them quite well, and not only that it seems to bring them into focus much more easily during the day.
While asleep my mind is playing out scenarios that solidify my affirmations. I’m liking this so far. 🙂 I have no doubt that this time WILL be the time that I get this silly monkey off my back.
It’s minus twenty-nine degrees here this morning, but I am still going to the gym to get my workout in. Being that I live about as far north as you can get without going into Canada, I don’t think using the cold to skip a workout is a valid excuse.
Today is going to be an awesome day. My plan is to get to my office, turn up the heat, turn on the music and enjoy my day. It is just to cold to go outside for any other reason aside from getting from here to there.
If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer Matt 21:22
The turkey is stuffed and in the oven. I am enjoying the peacefulness of the morning. I am the only one up. The house is clean and ready for the day. I feel so blessed to have the people in my life that I have, the home in which I feel my greatest sense of peace, and the ability to give those that I love a Christmas full of wonderful memories.
Last night we all went to my sister’s to do our gift exchange, and my mother got me some really wonderful things, however one of the gifts I received, I cherish more than all of the rest. It is a necklace you seen in the attached picture. It allows for a prayer to be placed inside, giving this prayer to God.
I have, now, placed my prayer inside, and I have let it go knowing full well that God will guide me in the direction to making this particular prayer come to fruition. I fully trust that God will support me. I have nothing to worry about. I have fully “let go and let God”.
I am so thankful for this gift as well as all the others. I am grateful for everything I have in my life, my family, my friends and most of all my relationship with God. I have never known how full life could be having the strength and support from the creator of the universe.
I love and am loved. I listen and am heard. I understand and am understood.
Well, today is a new day. I am feeling renewed. Ashley is home again with her family. This has been a long hard week for the entire family, but I am happy to say it is over and she is where she should be. With her mother. Boy it was pretty heartbreaking to make her go last night but we could feel the entire house calm with a sigh of relief. I am not a mean person and I truly wanted to help this girl. Unfortunately I think I was in way over my head. I hope I didn’t disappoint you God. I wanted to do the right thing, but I didn’t want to put my family at risk either. I didn’t want to hurt that girl. I hope and pray that she can make it work with her family.
Thank you God for loving me and trusting me with this situation. I am sorry if I didn’t come through the way you wanted me to. I guess you are not surprised since you know my path and everything that will happen to me before it happens. I want to help people God but I guess I am not equipped to help someone like Ashley. I think she may need help that only a professional can provide. I feel good at least knowing she is in a warm house with her family now. I pray and ask that you surround this girl with the love she deserves. Help her find peace and happiness in her life. Help her to grow and find a role model that will be able to steer her in the right direction. I am willing to her send her one of my angels for a bit if that will help. I wish her only the best.
Well, I suppose I am going to go and do my hair. I do want to go to Curves this morning. I want to get back to my healthy lifestyle that seemed to go astray this past week. I have to learn to better handle stress. Obviously life is full of stress and I cannot turn to food and laziness the minute something goes out of balance in my life. I need to find peace and serenity within myself so that balance is always with me on the inside.
It is minus twenty-one degrees this morning. So cold, but no reason to skip my workout. I must have bigger and better determination. I must love myself enough to warm up the car and get out there.
So here I sit feeling a little down because it is to cold to go to Curves and I feel like I have lost my way a little. I mean I know that it is completely normal to lose it a little during the holiday season. I get that, and I am so glad that it will all be a thing of the past in little over a week. I cannot and will not beat myself up for eating unhealthy junk lately. I am only human and it is what people seem to be conditioned to do at the holidays. However, I do not want to live this way permanently, this I know. I love all the energy associated with clean eating, and I love the focus and clarity of mind that I get from making healthy choices.
I am going to do my best to keep the unhealthy treats to a minimum for the next ten days or so, but next Wednesday evening all of the unhealthy foods and sugary treats will find their way into the trash, here at home and at work. I will clean my house of all the Christmas decorations and get back to my normal routine. I will put it all behind me for another year. Thankfully, we do not do anything special for New Years so that holiday shouldn’t be an issue.
Nine days is not so bad considering I will be working most of them. This week my only day off will be Saturday. I’m not complaining. I love my job, it’s my second home and it cuts down on the boredom from being home. So here is my pledge. On Thursday the twenty-six of December I will renew my healthy eating and move more. I will put “Operation Size 12” into full affect. I will make a commitment to myself to be good to me and to treat my body with the respect it deserves.
This is not the end of the story. This is the beginning. I am ready to put it into action. I feel a vision board in my future. 🙂
This morning I woke up with the idea that I should do a blog about what I would do if money were not an issue. So here it is. It was actually fun and interesting as to what I came up with. This is something we don’t contemplate very often in our lives.
If money were not an issue I would first send a hundred thousand dollars to each of my sister’s and my brother. I would then send a hundred thousand to each of their kids, and another hundred thousand to each of their kids. For anyone under the age of eight-teen I would put that money into a trust for them to receive at the age of twenty-one.
Next I would buy each of my kids a house and a car. I would offer them a monthly allowance only to be received after a hundred and twenty hours of volunteer work a month is completed. There are also a handful of people who are not related to me that I would love to give a hundred grand to as well. People who have touched my life, people who have went the extra mile to help me out when they didn’t have to.
I would buy a modest home in rural California so Rog and I had somewhere warm to spend the winter months, as well as a small house in my home town because I love the change of the seasons here. I would be sure that where ever we live is surrounded by nature, foliage as far as the eye can see. I would have a meditation garden where I could sit, reflect and become still. I would spend my days writing and being of service to people. I would look into the world of philanthropy as I would want to be sure to give back to those who struggle.
I would not spend extravagant amounts of money on clothes, shoes, and cars. I would still live modestly in order to help other people.
I am about to meditate but before I do I ask to be guided to my next best place of expression or learning. That I wander upon the best blog to read or write, the best video to watch and learn from, or the best person to help. Thank you God for your guidance. Thank you for being with me every moment of every day.
After my meditation session I feel as though I should write a blog called “What’s Your Story” but something tells me I have already done this. After looking in the archives I found that I did, I did this very blog in April of this year. I am amazed at how profound it was. I was changing my story back then and I must say I have become pretty good at it. I completely understand, now, that I am the author of my story. No one else, just me. If I tell myself I am going to struggle my whole life, then I will struggle, if I tell myself I will be effortlessly successful then that is true as well.
I completely forgot how I used to feed myself thoughts that supported my struggle with my weight. I used to tell myself that this was the way way was, I would have to struggle with this the rest of my life. It was my cross to bear. To be honest I believe that someone once told me that. I believe I was told that we all have things in life we have to deal with and mine was my weight. It seems absurd to me now. As I look back I can see that when the old tired story I had created for myself disappeared, the struggle to lose weight went with it.
Click for Rekindling the Light Within
In the book I am reading “What Are You Hungry For? by Deepak Chopra, he explains how you can most assuredly see a person’s story when you look at their body. If they are caring excess weight their story will support that. What an eye opener. This man and a handful of other great thinkers and spiritual leaders have played a pivotal roll in helping me change my story this past year. I can say from the bottom of my heart they have saved my life. I feel as though I need to give a shout out to Deepak Chopra, Oprah Winfry, Eckhart Tolle, Wayne Dyer, and Joel Osteen. These people, in my opinion, are God’s messenger’s here on earth. I feel blessed to have stumbled upon their work and allowed it to teach and guide me to the person I am today.
Simply amazing! This year has taught me so much. First, I learned that I can be happy and the world would not collapse around me. Second, I learned how to create balance in my life, the balance that I believe is necessary for all people, and third, I learned that loving me was the key to bringing this all together. 2013 has brought about exceedingly above and beyond explosive blessings (as said by Joel Osteen) into my life, now I am excited to see what 2014 has in store. 🙂
I used to be the kind of person that was afraid to be positive because I feared if I was that fate would step in and slam the door on me. Now I know that is no way to live. I was the kind of person that wouldn’t even proclaim that today would be a good day because I felt as though by doing so I was dooming myself to a bad day, or jinxing myself, as some would say. Now, I can see how wrong that way of thinking actually was. I was setting myself up for those so-called “bad days”. I was the negative driving force behind my terrible “luck”.
Today I no longer believe in luck. I believe in blessings and I believe that everything has some good in it. Whether or not we are able to see it when it is happening. There will come a day when it will make sense and something good will emerge from the ashes that once was. I no longer have bad day, and I don’t believe in jinxing myself. I do believe, however that we manifest our own lives, meaning; if we believe our lives are full of bad circumstances than it surly will be. On the other hand if we believe we are blessed, than that is also what will be.When I look back at how horrible my story was, I can see how I created that story. I was overweight and struggling to get by every day because that is what I believed I deserved. That is what I believed was in the cards for me. What an unfortunate way to perceive life. Here we are, given the greatest gift that ever could be and we complain our way through it. We act selfishly not seeing the hardships of other’s but instead only our own.
I am so grateful for every circumstance in my life. Every one, because they all have taught me so much. They have taught me that I am not the most important cog in the universe. I am merely a microscopic piece of dust that makes up the whole cog. That is what we all are. We are just a tiny spec among the vastness of one. We are all connected, therefore when we hurt someone else, we are only hurting ourselves.
With Christmas approaching how amazing would it be if we each did one kind thing for another person each day for the days leading up to that big day, Jesus Christ’s Birthday. It doesn’t have to be anything huge, a kind word, a smile, holding the door for someone, a hug, or a small gift. Just something that shows God how we appreciate all that we have and all that He has done for us.