Let the Show Begin

Today is full of uncertainty.  I guess that is a good thing.  We are supposed to live in the present moment which is always full of uncertainty and excitement, so I suppose I am exactly where I am supposed to be.  Yesterday’s part two of the interview process, the negotiation part did not WOW me.  It did not scream “this is right” at all.  In comparison I would be getting an increase in pay and a decrease in insurance.

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Therefore, I am left wanting to stay with my current company, which is ok since I do love it there, it’s just that it has been more than two years since I have gotten a raise.  Considering all my expenses have increased due to tax hikes and a bitter cold winter I, not only, want a raise, but I need one.  I have never been the type of person to ask people for anything, but today, that changes.  I am going to have to knuckle down and go for it.  I have taken on a ton of extra responsibilities so either they will agree that I deserve a raise or I will be ending my employment there and moving onto to other things.

It is not an ultimatum, in any way.  It is simply that I must be in a place that allows me to take care of myself and my family.  Since we are not the “run to the doctor” type people a little less insurance might be OK, it’s a gamble, a risk that’s for sure.  I just want to do what is right for me and my family at this point.  I guess only time will tell.  I will know by the end of the day whether or not I am headed for a new adventure or staying where I am content and at peace.

I believe God will make it right, so I am at his mercy.  I am only to sit back and watch the show.  Whatever happens, happens.  I am ready to be where ever you want me to be, God.  I trust you fully.  Let the show begin!

Blah Blah Blah, My Intentions and The Law of Giving

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Yesterday’s interview went well.  The gentlemen that interviewed me seemed very genuine and nice.  The job was not offered in any way, however they did ask me what I was looking for as far as compensation, and I was honest enough to tell them what I was making at my current place of employment and that I am looking for an increase.  They said they would discuss it and get back with me in a week or so.

Since then, my mind wants to try to replay the entire conversation, analyzing me and everything I said.  I know this is my ego just trying to figure out if I fit in, but what I want to say to my ego is, bug off!  It doesn’t matter if I fit in.  I didn’t rehearse what I was going to say because I wanted everything to come from an authentic place.  I didn’t over think it because I didn’t want to appear nervous or needy.  After all, I am not needy.  I have a job with a company I care a great deal for and if this other company doesn’t feel I am a good fit for them, it is nothing personal.  It simply is, what it is.  That been said, I am off to enjoy my day.

My intentions

I intend on taking the time to focus on my inner aliveness.  I intend on paying attention to the old conditioning of my mind and ridding it of the unnecessary thought patterns that continue to creep in.  I intend on spending my day being present with whatever it is I am doing and enjoy the excitement of whatever today brings.  I also, intend on giving my full attention to anyone who needs me or anyone who simply has something to say to me.  Finally, I intend on going with the flow knowing all well, that I will know exactly what to do, when I need to do it with the help of my intuition.

The Law of Giving

• Listen and you will be heard
• Understand and you will be understood
• Love and you will be loved
• Be compassionate and you will receive compassion
• Bless and you shall be blessed

 

 

Another Writer’s Therapy

It’s morning once again.  I am sitting here and still not feeling my blissful self.  It’s been such a long time since I have felt it.  I don’t know what is happening.  All I can conclude is that it’s the long harsh winter coupled with PMS, at this point.  All I know is I don’t like it.  I don’t know how to get through it.  I am trying to be positive but while I sleep my brain is affirming negative thoughts.  I wake slightly to hear them being recited in my mind.

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Where are you God?  Where are you Gabriel?  I need you both, but I don’t feel your presence.  I need guidance.  I haven’t felt this bad and this alone since before, when I was so unhealthy and so large I was unable to move.  I am sure this will pass because I know that old adage “this to shall pass” to be true.  In fact I saw this very quote on a friends Facebook page, yesterday.  Maybe, just maybe, this was a message from one of you.  One of my spirit guides or perhaps, God.

It makes my days so long.  I want to be no where but locked up in my room.  I want to talk to no one.  I am hanging on, I want to feel my moment in the sun.  I am hanging on for that moment that I once again feel bliss well up from my solar plexus as it has so many times before.  It is so unpleasant to feel this way.  Not only is it hurtful to myself but it is also hurtful to those that love me.  They have to deal with me in this state, and it is not fair.  I feel like a burden.  I feel as though it is better to lock myself away, to spare their feelings.  However, I also feel like locking myself away spares nothing for them and everything for me, hence the selfishness.

I am depressed.  I can see it now.  It is now my mission to figure out how to break free of it.  I have been depressed before, many times.  I never tried to break free, I only allowed it to carry me away.  Often times I would simply go with it until it got so bad that I was shocked to awaken from it.  I am no longer that weak little girl who allows her emotions to rule her.  I am stronger now.  I have learned that my thoughts do not control me, that I control my thoughts.  It is time now to step away from the negativity and move toward the positive.

I have the self-awareness now to take responsibility for my own happiness.  I can no longer allow this to go on.  Today is the day I make the change.  I am not going to feed into my depression.  I am stronger than that.  I saw a post yesterday that said “life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it”.  Well it’s time to get over myself and start reacting in a more constructive way.  It’s time I take back my own power.  It’s time be conscious.  It’s time to stand up and be present in my own life.

Here’s to a turning point.  I will claw my way back to the top.  I will make it.  I will succeed.

Changing a Negative Mind to a Positive One

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I am just about ready to leave for Curves.  How exciting!  Note the sarcasm.  I am going to go there and do the best I can do with the workout.  Then I am going to come home and get ready for work.  I am looking forward to a nice quiet day at the office.  I will do the best I can to keep busy and keep quiet.  I am going to remember to do as many positive affirmations as I can today.  I need to keep my mind flowing with upbeat information.  Being that it has been a struggle to stay positive this past week, I am going to do everything in my power to feed my mind and body with only the healthiest, most nutritious thoughts and foods.

• I love my life
• I am happy, a healthy
• I am open and receptive to the good and abundance of the universe
• I trust in God and the guidance of my intuition
• I have so many reasons to be grateful
• I am loved and I am love
• I am prosperous at every turn
• I pay my bills and rejoice in every payment made
• I am blessed by the creator of the universe
• I love and honor my body and by doing so I give it only the healthiest foods in the proper amounts and workout because that is what it deserves.

Now that I have gotten my workout in I do feel better.  I am ready to face the day.  I am also ready to stay in the moment.  I have noticed lately that I have been worrying about the past and stressing about the future.  This can only mean one thing, that I am projecting, which is never good.

To worry that I will end up like I used to be or that I will not be able to be a size smaller in the future is only going to ensure that I fulfill that prophecy.  I do not want that to happen, therefore I am going to spend today being as conscious as possible.  I am going to pay attention the goings on in my mind and put a stop to any projecting thoughts.

The only time that matters is now.  The past is dead and the future hasn’t happened yet.  I want to live in the present moment, free of anxiety and worry.  Therefore, today I intend to be present and enjoy each moment as they come.  I intend to be flexible and allow life to flow as it should.  Finally, I intend to think positively and enjoy this day, all the while being aware that each day, each minute, and each second is a gift from God.

The Kick in the Tush I Needed

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I am not in the best mood this morning.  Sometimes this happens and then I go to Curves and feel a lot better when I leave but today, not so much.  I feel miserable.  I can only say that I am a little unnerved about Saturday’s weigh and measure and the fact that she told me my results even though I asked her not to, at the same time I know that I needed to know.  Otherwise I would have continued on the same path month after month without making the necessary changes and would have gotten nowhere.  So what is my pissiness about then?

I wish I knew.  Anyway, I am thinking today may be one of those talk less, listen more days.  I feel like if I open my mouth I may come off sounding bitchy.  I don’t like that.  Especially because I am the one who pays for my bitchiness in the end.  At the end of the day I end up feeling bad for it, so it’s not worth it.

It is what it is.  First of all, I needed to know what I was doing was not working so she did the right thing.  Second of all, I need to suck it up and stop being such a baby.  I have been doing the same thing for more than a year now and it is obviously time for a change.  I knew I was eating way to much on the weekend, anyway.  I knew it but didn’t want to face it.  Now that I know I can take the necessary steps to fix it.

So all I have to say to myself is, stop being such a baby and get it together.  You have no reason to be unhappy.  Your life has never been better.  You are healthy, you are blessed, and you are fulfilled.  What more can you ask for!!

I’m Getting Healthier; Mind, Body and Soul

I am home from Curves.  My mind wants to tell me that I am fatter today.  I know that, that cannot be true.  I may have some water retention due to my period but I cannot possibly be fatter.  I am eating good and working out regularly.  Thank goodness I know better than to believe every thought that I have.  I know that there’s a little pain in the ass in there, that I call my ego that would love nothing more than to push me down whenever it can.  Well, I’m on to you buddy!  I reject that negative thought.  I am not getting fatter.  I am getting healthier; mind, body and soul.  There is nothing more irritating to the ego than to be rejected.  Haha!  This is my life, my mind, and my body, and I will think only the most empowering thoughts possible.

I have worked so hard to change all of those negative thoughts that I used to carry around.  The thoughts that had me pushing three hundred pounds and depressed beyond belief.  It’s taken a long time to become self-aware enough to catch them in the act.  Even today, after almost two years of training, if I am not careful they will creep back in and try to take me back to that miserable, unhealthy girl I once was.  I can only be thankful that through my meditation practice and my spiritual growth that I’ve learned to spot the negative narrative almost instantly and change it.

I have learned that our mind will lie and manipulate us if we let it.  Believe it or not, our mind can and will be our worst enemy if we allow it to be.  I am grateful that I have learned how to recognize and stop those thoughts in their tracks.  I control my mind, not the other way around.

Take a stand today, say NO when your mind wants to beat you up.  Recognize that thought and change it.  You can do this.  Believe me if I can do it anyone can.  One thought at a time.  It gets easier and easier with practice.  Don’t you think you are worth it?  Because I do!

Fake it Until You Make it!! ♥

Getting ready to prep some meals for the week.  I have been up for hours.  I have meditated, showered, prettied up, and finished my audio book on The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.  I’ve turned on the some music to get me in the grove.

My plan this fine morning is to make baked meatballs and marinara, turkey burger with mushrooms, onions and fat-free cheese, and probably some chicken salad.  I am on day 8 of living without sugar in my life.  I would say I am amazed, but I am not.  I knew I could do it.  I took the time to put together a solid strategy and went for it and success is most definitely in my future.

I am feeling particularly loved and adored this morning.  By whom, you ask?  By me, I reply 😉  It is not selfish to love oneself.  Selfishness is to be a burden on another and if you love yourself you cannot possibly be a burden to anyone.  You will be a blessing.

To use self-rejection is to be selfish, because if you loath yourself you are likely to cause pain to those that you love and that love you.  Decide today to look in the mirror and revel in the beauty before you.  Recognize the creativity within, and deeply love it.  Even if at first you don’t believe, fake it until you make it.

May you all have a blessed Sunday!

With much love ♥

Nameste’

Affirm What You Want and Watch Your Life Change

Feeling particularly awesome today.  I am tired, yes, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that I have been six days without that nasty sugar in my body.  I am still not sleeping all that well but I know that is to come.  Everything in due time.

Saying my affirmations at bedtime has strengthened them to a whole new level.  Not only that, but it seems that if I want unwavering determination to get up and go to the gym first thing in the morning all I have to do is state it before bed and I am up and raring to go.

I am on to something here, people.  Whatever it is you want for your life you can have it simply by affirming it before bed and reaffirming it through out the day.  It is not rocket science.  It’s all a mental game.  Be positive and believe and manifest the life you have always dreamed of.

If you are a smoker and want to quit simply affirm; “I resist smoking cigarettes because that is what I choose to do.  I love my body and will do whatever is necessary to keep it balanced, centered and healthy at all times.  I am in perfect health”  Then release those affirmations into the universe and watch as they come to fruition.

First, Simply affirm it before bed and throughout the day and Second, continue on as you normally would.  Don’t “try” to quit.  Just believe that you will and you will.  And it will be easier than you could have ever imagined it to be.  The desire to smoke will simply leave you.

Be persistent and use your affirmations daily and believe in yourself and it will happen.

It’s That Time Once Again ☺

What are my intentions for the day?

• I suppose, first and foremost, I intend on going to work and enjoying the warmth and peace of my little office.  Friday’s are always quiet and lovely.
• Then, since I get off early today, I intend on going to Curves this afternoon for something to do.  Rog is working until 10 pm today so I will have plenty of time to fill.
• After that I intend on going to see my mama, since I wont have a car to do so in the morning.
• Finally, I intend on coming home and making up some healthy meals, package up my turkey in one pound packages for the freezer and doing some writing in my journal.

That’s about all I’ve got on my agenda for the day.  Of course as always I intend on;

• Practicing consciously breathing
• Assessing my hunger levels before eating
• Practicing non-judgement of people and situations as they should arise
• Practice being in The Now

The above are intentions I am working on making a habit in my everyday life, so they go without saying.  🙂

Happy Friday all ♥♥

Daily Intentions and Desires for ♥January 11, 2014♥

Today I intend on;

• Getting a good workout in at the club
• Visiting with my mama
• Then coming home for a day in the house being as productive as possible
• Preparing a few healthy meals for the week ahead
• Organizing my clothes for work
• Having a bonus meditation this afternoon
• Maintaining my healthy boundaries by making sure that whatever passes these lips is healthy and sugar-free
• Staying as present as possible
• Warding off boredom by doing a Jillian Michaels 30-day Shred this afternoon

Today is going to be a bit unusual in that I am going to be home alone for most of the afternoon and into the evening.  Being that we normally have a house full this is going to be a big adjustment.  On one hand I am looking forward to a little me time, but on the other I wonder how I will handle it.  I mean being alone for an hour or two is one thing, but we’re talking several hours here.

I have made a good long list of things I can do to keep myself occupied.  I am well aware that boredom in the enemy.  It is one of the biggest struggles for me in controlling my eating.  I will overeat due to boredom more than any other reason I can think of.  I am thankful to my son, Brandon, for buying me a new journal.  It is beautiful and hard cover.  I am sure I will be spending some quality time with it this afternoon.

Anyway, that is my day in a nutshell.  I am sure I will be spending some of my quiet time here, as well, reading all the wonderful blogs posted today.  I love keeping up on what everyone is doing.  I hope you all have a wonderfully, positive day.